In the last two weeks I was blessed by having two separate
conversations that enriched me slightly on how I think of the role of family in
our careers. And they were both triggered
by people who thought I would know more on the matter. What was so enriching
about them was that the individuals were at different stages of their careers.
One was of a young professional woman whose children are
starting to demand a lot of parent time, and both she and her partner are
working. She was in her mind battling with balancing the time she must give her
children and the need to put effort at work so that she could progress in her
career as well. The question she asked herself was whether, in making this
balance, she would not be a failure if her career did not go as fast as it
would if she did not focus on her children as much. I must emphasise here that
the issue of how she shares these duties with her partner was beyond the scope
of our conversation and was not one I was qualified to comment on.
My only response was that she must do what is best for her
and family without giving up her career. That if it means some of the
achievements would be slower over the next two to three years, say, but enables
her family to have the right foundation, she must make that choice. And I emphasised
that success in life could not be measured simply by how fast one climbed the
corporate ladder. Raising a family was a successful venture as well. Being an
example to the young ones in her extended family was a measure of success. And
my last point was that she must see the next three years, if she decides to
give more attention to her children in their formative years, as a
mini-sabbatical period during which she would use the time to both reflect and
study further so that she was more armed to tackle the intensive corporate commitments
that would come later.
I must admit here that my conversation with the individual
above was influenced by one I had had with another young professional. Her
conversation with me was different but complementary to the one above. She
indicated that she had spent the last three to four years focused on her young
children and was now ready to focus more on her corporate career. And it was
clear in the conversation that she did not see this period as having been
wasted. Our discussion focused on how she should be looking for the right
growth opportunities now that she felt she could devote more time than she
could have in the recent period. What I did not know at the time was that this
conversation would be so influential to the one I started with above.
I was reminded of an experience I had when my previous
employer sent me on a senior executive programme to the Wharton School at the University
of Pennsylvania in 2006. In attendance at this programme were seventy six other
senior executives from all parts of the world. One of the assignments we were
given was to dream of the future, by imagining ourselves on the cover of Fortune
magazine ten years into the future. That we must imagine what kind of project
or initiative we would have done, probably for our companies, which would lead
us to be on the cover of Fortune magazine, how it started, and what we did. We
all put our minds to document our individual dreams, and duly submitted to the
professor leading that module. When we had the group feedback session, the
professor commented on the good quality of projects and initiatives as well as
the approaches used to define the reasons for success. But he then made a
comment that led to an embarrassing and reflective silence in the room, and I paraphrase
him: “I read these stories and how you imagined putting your dreams in practice.
But in all the assignments I read, over the imagined 10 years, none of you
spoke about what happened to your families”. All seventy seven of us had said
nothing about our families!!! And he went on to tell us how, in our quest for
success, we forget those who matter most and provide the anchor for what we are
to become. In many instances, they are the reason we put such efforts to
succeed.
In all this, it is clearer to me that we cannot claim to
succeed if this is not positively impacting our families. It does not matter
how you define family, but if you have one, as one leadership writer says, make them your number one customer.
I am touched that the conversations with the two
professionals I spoke about served to bring this issue to my head again. And I
honour them and many others like them on this Mother’s Day.
