Career dilemmas from individual expression and belonging

A friend two weeks ago had to make an important decision. He has worked and made a good career to be a senior manager in his company, which he joined eight years ago. He was now feeling as if he no longer belongs to this company, but at same time was not sure if he really wanted to go, given the potential for growth. In our discussion, it became clear to me that the biggest issues he was dealing with had to do with new norms that seem to have formed with a change of senior leadership in this company and also his own growth and development. He was feeling that he is not able to “express” himself as much as he would want to, and do things in the way that he wanted noting how much he had grown. My conclusion in our discussion was that he was not necessarily ready to leave but was dealing with something that in one of my favourite books is referred to as the paradox of identity (Paradoxes of Group  Life: Understanding Conflict, Paralysis, and Movement in Group Dynamics, by Kenwyn K. Smith and David N. Berg).

Today I will quote some of what Smith and Berg say, as a lot of what they write about affects many of us who work in companies but always feel some internal conflict between “conforming” and “being self”. For Smith and Berg, the paradox of identity “is expressed by the struggle of individuals and the group to establish a unique and meaningful identity where each is an integral part of the other”.

Expanding further on this concept, they write as follows: “When individuals approach a group, they invariably struggle with what they are going to have to give up in order to belong. Likewise, a group as a whole often expresses concern over whether its stipulated purposes can be achieved given the individuals of which it is constituted. These twin dilemmas can lead members to look around for ‘good’ groups, by which they mean that individuality will be minimally compromised, and groups to look around for ‘good’ members – that is, people willing to put the group ahead of themselves”. It is amazing how much conflict occurs both within companies and in society because of our inability to manage this seeming contradiction, where a group may want the individual to behave according to particular “norms”, and the individual wanting to change the group into something that he or she would wish to be a part of.

Smith and Berg offer a paradoxical approach that they say “conceptualizes the processes through which both the individual and group identity are formed as being one and the same. In this frame, individuals are seen as both creating and being created by the groups to which they belong… The struggle so often observed between the individual and the group is predominantly a struggle occurring simultaneously within the individual and within the group over how to live with the tension created by the mutual processes of adjustment of the individuals to the group and the group to its individual members”.

Would I, on the basis of what is said above, be advising my friend that he must not leave his company?  The answer is a definite no. However, I would be saying he must think carefully of making an abrupt decision when his active involvement as an individual may influence an environment to be one that he considers more palatable. It also requires of him to not only invest his energy on a past that he likes, but in defining a future that may be. And he cannot do that without an active process of communication within his company. And my advice to him was that he should explore, find someone to communicate with in the company, and see how he can make the current process work better for him. I also advised him that if he finds that the differences are so fundamental, he still can exercise the choice of leaving the company. My only contribution was to get him to review the lens through which he views all that is happening around him, and the processes he uses to engage in order to come to a final decision.

Each one of us has to make these difficult decisions at some point in our careers. Let us explore them through different frames.

The Benefits of “Encountering Other”

Early this week I received a call from an ex-colleague, seeking my assistance. She had been having a discussion with a young professional in her company whom she thought could benefit from some kind of a mentoring relationship with me. I gladly agreed.  And the young professional has since contacted me, based on my ex-colleague’s recommendation. And she has come to me with the confidence that our conversations and dialogue will help guide her towards realising her dreams. And what inspiring dreams she does have.

This has got me thinking about the meaning of ‘encountering other’ in the context of the journey that I must travel with this young professional. In specific terms, what does this mean for me, in terms of the responsibility that has been entrusted to me, and also for her, in terms of the faith she has placed in my ex-colleague’s recommendation. And also what is required of each one of us in the process to ensure that the objectives she has of this exercise will be a success.

It is easy to see the process of encountering other as simply being about meeting another person. But then if we reflect on the relational issues, we must ask as to how much does this require of us to know ourselves? In the specific context of this encounter, does this not require of me to know how I would add value to another person’s life, what specific abilities did my ex-colleague think would impact positively on this young professional, and how do I project these in a way that will benefit her? How do I read whether I am starting to make the positive impact that this young professional is expecting?

In order to answer these questions, it requires of me to know myself better than I think I do. Otherwise, I will have a very limited ability to know how I could make the right impact, and ensure that the hopes that are placed by this young professional on my guidance are realised. And the better I know who I am, the more I am able to project and reflect this to many that I will encounter. In simple terms, I have better grasp of my personality and value.

So, although I was called for the purpose of assisting another person, the process by its nature benefits me in ways that I could not have predicted.

This to me confirms my view that the benefits of encountering and mentoring far exceed the costs in terms of time that one must invest. Not just for those being mentored or assisted, but also for those who may be seen to be doing the mentoring and assistance.

Encounter other.

Our power to inspire

I regard inspiration as a very important but intangible asset in one’s life. Its potential to help one see possibilities, seek to achieve their dreams and do the things that have meanings for them, is often understated.

This week I received personal notes from two young people who read my recently published book (A Rural Boy’s Tale of Progress: Life Lessons from my Parents). One of them, reflecting on a chapter in the book entitled Failure is not Permanent, was moved enough to write and thank me for including that chapter in the book.  And because of the inspiration he got from what it says, he was moved enough to finish a project important in his life that he had ignored.

The other one said that after reading my book, she was totally moved to write hers.  She felt that the personal way I wrote my book, and what it reflects on, had opened a new window for her.  And then she told me the most important thing: that I must be happy that it has at least impacted one person.

This confirms to me that each one of us have the power to touch and inspire someone. I have used the book as a tool to do that, but there are many ways we can do this. Previously (see previous blog  entitled Creating breeds new energy), I wrote about the importance of creating. Inspiration has a direct relationship to it.

The Oxford Advanced Learners Dictionary describes inspiration as “the process that takes place when somebody sees or hears something that causes them to have exciting new ideas or makes them want to create something…”. 

In order to create, we must be inspired. This may happen on its own, but more importantly, note that you have the power and ability and power to inspire other. Use it to trigger this important process.

Inspire other.  Change a life.  Be inspired.

Khwezi

Creating breeds new energy

Interactions I have had these past few weeks, ever since my book was published, have made me reflect on the value of creating things and how that can transform one's life experience.

Writing the book, on something that I have a passion for, made me realise that I had not paid enough attention to the value of creating things outside the work environment.  I may have done positive things with many people around the world, but writing the book is one of the major things I have personally created. The experience has transformed me completely.

Most importantly, I have learnt how important it is to harness the power of one's knowledge, experience and emotions.  These can enable us to do things that we ordinarily thought we could not do, find resources we did not know we had, use skills we never knew we possessed and discover networks we did not know we had.  All because we have done or are doing something that is not usual for us.  It may not be unique on its own, but unique when looked at from the perspective of the one creating it.

Creating things, I have found, breeds new energy, impacts on having a positive outlook, and challenges one to think of how to make it succeed. It also helps one get ideas from feedback that comes from those who observe, interact or use what you have created.

Wherever you are, can you sit back and think what will you create that will impact humanity positively, and also enrich your own experience.

Creating breeds new energy and revitalises the existing one.