I have previously written about growth in the context of an insecure boss. I have been I inspired to revisit this theme based on a conversation with a very smart young professional. One of her major issues was having to deal with a very insecure boss and her frustrations with what she saw as an illogical behaviour. And you could add to this her challenge in being able to assert herself.
When I listened to the story, I was amazed at how her frustrations were driven by assumptions that the other party is supposed to know what is good. That in her shining with her work, her boss would be happy as that would also positively reflect on him. And how she was battling to deal with his reaction to her increased exposure, including having access to senior people that she would not be expected to have.
So her discussion with me was mainly about how to change her boss so that he could see things differently. She was hoping for tools that would make her superior see the error of his approach. And from the tone of conversation it was clear that she had been troubled about this for a while, that her discussions with him on it had not yielded success and was yearning for the freedom to be herself without having to fight with her boss.
My response to her I could say was unexpected. I asked us to role play situations similar to what happens between her and her boss. The only difference was that in this instance she would play the role of her boss, as she knows how he frames things, and I would be her playing a more assertive role than she normally would. We did this with two examples of situations, and in my response I showed how she could state her perspective without being arrogant. And I framed this around how in her functions the organisation is expecting her to perform and the stakeholders that she would ordinarily have to interact with without her boss being there. And all I did was to show her that she could use all the structures created for the area of work she is in to her advantage. And that in this process she would make the boss see the illogic of his thoughts without her saying so. I said she must never forget the power of exemplary conduct, especially if it is observed by those she interacts with.
This conversation also highlighted for me the danger that organisations, through poor managers and leaders, can pose to the careers of young people. And how these young people yearn for support from their superiors, but which support does not come. I related to her a personal experience where someone sought to destroy my career. And how, after consultation with an older friend, he showed me a quote from a Jim Collins book that indicated research he had done on organisations in the US and found a high percentage of managers spending their time to ensure their subordinates do not succeed. And this friend then said to me why did I assume the same thing was not happening to me.
This quote really shocked her but more importantly made her realise the danger of the assumptions she had made of what her boss was meant to be like. And at the end of that conversation she was clear that her relationship with her boss would need to be reframed, that she needed to worry less about him that about herself and that she would also start to be more assertive about things without showing any disrespect. Her energy was better spent on the positive aspect of her mastering her work and deepening her network, being assertive about what was correct than the negative focus on the feelings of her insecure boss.
I do not know if all what we discussed will work in her environment. But I do know she has taken the very important step of assuming full ownership of her growth story. It will be interesting to watch.
