Due to very interesting conversations I have had this week, I wonder how many of us go through the challenge of dealing with the internal conflict of showing self and at the same time trying to become what our bosses expect us to be. How many of us have to live with the edict that "this is how we do things here"; "do not rock the boat";"questioning is a career-limiting move".
This has occupied my mind because this experience that many have to go through shows the contradictions that are inherent in organisations. Almost to a fault, all of them will proclaim that they seek to have the best people; they want people to be free to express themselves and contribute to new ideas; that they want to create the best environments for their people to succeed, and thus want the best of their minds and creative potential. Some actually do try and get the best people. But what we often forget is that organisations do not, to a fault, only reward the best amongst the best. Being a social being or system composed of people with different interests, and having an environment external to itself to which it must respond, an organisation will not simply behave the way it proclaims through some form of religious edict. It will respond to the culture that has developed, and that culture itself is informed by the behaviours that are rewarded, or those that are disincentivised. Paying a critical role in this, given their role in shaping the mannerisms through their control of reward systems, are those who have been given supervisory responsibilities, whom we call managers. Sometime people think these managers are leaders, but as we know, the 'leadership' honour bears no relationship to the title but is informed by the behaviour of the individual over time.
In this environment, what happens to you as the individual who thinks that your voice is an important part of your character? If this organisation has recruited you on the basis of your character, and gives you this promise of an environment that allows you to realise who you are, get involved in shaping an important dialogue and make you feel like a valuable member of a team? How do you respond when you think that this character that you have may not always be aligned to the culture that has developed either in the whole organisation, or that part that you are exposed to? Would it be fair to your family that you stop worrying about any negative impact to your reward or growth if you act as per an organisation's promise when you know this is not rewarded in practice? Does it not mean that you should change and try as much as possible to 'fit in' so that you can succeed?
Dealing with this issue in my view requires that we appreciate the paradoxical situation that the individual has been placed in. In order to succeed, the individual has to not only perform, but also show how they are different to others. This difference cannot happen without the individual displaying their unique strengths and capabilities, which may include showing those things about an organisation that the seniors may either be blind to or not understand. Some of these things may go against the assumptions or plans that the seniors have of the business, but the individual, because of character, ability or principle, will not want to hold back from expressing what he or she sees. If, on the other hand, the individual decides to hold back, if it happens in future that which the individual sees really does have an impact that would have been foreseen had the individual spoken, they are unlikely to be recognised. Paradoxically, keeping silent has a short-term benefit, but potentially a long-term negative consequence. This is because, at a time when an organisation goes through very difficult moments, and now starts to really exhibit the behaviour of seeking ideas, that individual would not be on anybody's mind because there will not be a record of them showing leadership, notwithstanding the fact that in the past that may not have been rewarded.
Hence my approach is to err on the side of originality. That means being true to one's beliefs, opinions, observations and thoughts. It also means being open to a dialogue that may make you change your perspective. The alternative is suffering from a huge internal conflict because you are now trying to become something you are not, and over time this impacts your own morale, and thus your work. You become one of those individuals so defeated by situations that your head is always down, and everyone sees you as a source of demoralisation. The same seniors who wanted a meek behaviour from you start to judge you as an individual who lacks energy and enthusiasm.
In his book, Strong and Fearless: The Quest for Personal Power, Phil Nuernberger warns us about the twin demons that may inhibit us from displaying the best of ourselves and inhibit us. These demons are self-hatred and fear. Self-hatred is about guilt which reflects the past. Fear is about the future and reflects a response to an anxiety of what may happen. He tells us that an inherent characteristic of those who seek to control others is to instill fear, which leads to stress, and builds on the myth some managers have that stress drives performance. He tells us that fear destroys concentration, and when we go through fear, our minds are not as conscious and thus not focused. Why would I want to have a less conscious mind at work and how can I produce the best in that situation?
I like the advice he gives that we should focus on the present. What is it that I can do now that makes me build to the future I want to create? My words I always give in conversation are: "do now that which you want to become". And you will not do that by simply following a script that someone else has written and which has a very limited shelf life. You will not do that by closing your eyes to what you see which is not to the benefit of the business in the long term, no matter how uncomfortable to those who hold a senior responsibility in an organisation at present. The alternative is you being part of a slow decline that may eat both you and your seniors. It is a tough place to be in, but better than being one of the "timid souls" that, in the words of former US President Theodore Rooselvelt in "The Man in the Arena", "neither know victory nor defeat".
Do not be timid. Let your growth not be inhibited by fear.
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